It wasn't always that way. The truth was I would often pretend I was happy and that everything in our marriage was just as good as I tried to make it look. I faked it, because I was at a loss of what to do. My husband's most recent porn relapse was always on my mind. It was there while I ate my meals, when we went to the pool, when he was working out of town, when I went on a girl's trip. In a way, it was haunting me.
Then I found life coaching and I realized all of those worries were optinal. I could still worry if I wanted to, but it was also okay to let it all go. It was also okay to put myself first.
Through this journey I've discovered so much value in self-compassion. This is what helped me let myself have fun again. I mean true, worry-less fun! I know this is also possible for you.